Human nature or so called "Philosophy of Life" changes over courses of time. Mine is no exception. My friends from primary school would not think that one day I will be what I am today. My ideas, habits and perspectives have changed entirely, especially in the last 4 years.
When I was young, I was raised in very well manner. So well that I don't know how to lie and lack of confidence. Only one question remains in my mind all the time since the day my great grandmother died, why we have to born and die?. In my early school life, I realized that we cannot speak out our mind in public or else we cannot blend ourselves in society otherwise. I first encountered deceit and humiliation in primary school. Since then I decided to separate myself from society. Staying only with small group of friends and playing video games. Watching animation and video games made me feel good with the dream world they created. They will only make you happy, no fake, no hurt and give you cinfidence. One of my friends vowed to love only 2D animation girl in his life.[Nowadays this type of people are called "Otaku"] It is very funny if I looked at it now. I hate school, I will go back home as soon as possible. I study only because my parents will let me play games only if my grade is good. Simply say, I studied to play games. Come to think of it, it looks like how most of people works: Work->money->spending/travel.
I have to part with my friends when I go to secondary school. With more stress and worse environment. Only playing games is not enough. I don't like sports and hate musics. Therefore, I have to find something to do to release my build-up stress. Then I begin to steal. I was part of the shop lifting gang. Not because I want stuffs, but stealing is exciting and it helps release my stress. I actually return to secretly returned my steal to the shop. I did it as far as I used to be a planner for the group. Destroying objects like tables, chairs, windows and doorknobs also make my heart felt lighter. Hurting animals and sometimes killing them, watching them die is the other way to enjoyed myself. At that time, I already leanned to cheat, lie and pretend to be a good boy with no problem.
Not so long after that I encountered with biggest obstacles in my life. I failed in the thing that I should be best - study. I tried to keep it a secret from everyone. I felt that I have no value at all as a human being. I wondered why human have to be borned and made suffer. Why we have to try living if we will finally die one day. While I was running away from the fact, myself and the world, I met one man. He is very good at art of seduction, he can blend himself very well in society. He has taught me many things including my favorite "Eventhough they know, People love to be lied". But as they say, there is no secret in the world, mine was exposed. I received warm welcome instead of punishment which not make me feel good at all. I would rather take punishment rather than having to carry guilt over my shoulder.
My new life then started, I know so many friends and enimies. I understand that these two categories can be interchanged. I understand that people sometimes have to lie or admit lies themselves. Sometimes you have to hurt other persons and you may be hurt by others. This is simple rule. I have changed a lot, my old friend could not imagine me as myself now for sure. [My new friends say that I have confidence. I feel funny every time considering it when I was a child] I have to thank all my friends all these years that changed me. I don't think before that I will have friends that can share everything in my mind with. Without them I would not dare hope.
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